Me and My Bad Left Knee

I thought about going in the army. I thought about going overseas.
I wouldn't have trouble with a piss test; only problem is my bad left knee.

The Drive-By Truckers, "Never Gonna Change"

More than one inspirational thinker has noted that pain, or the fear of pain, leads to motivation then action. I feel qualified to attest to this as a truism. I was off and on with martial arts as a young man, mostly off. I always wanted to, but for one reason or another never committed to serious training. Then as I was approaching thirty I came down with a rare form of arthritis, or rather rheumatism, that sidelined me for a while and ended a military career. It also motivated me over time to be more self-reliant and open-minded in terms of health and healing. This eventually led me to Bhuddhist thought, which led to Qigong, which led to Taiji, which led back to other martial arts. Now, some twenty years after the first onset of my arthritis troubles, I am training fairly hard for a 49 year old and have no intention of stopping my study of the martial arts. I am however, still stuck with arthritis. But the symptoms are much less severe and the episodes are further apart. The occasion is rare that I am totally sidelined or stopped because of it. Even then my greatest challenge is my left knee.

I am sure that sometime in my younger days I damaged my left knee and it just festered, waiting for an excuse to misbehave. Somehow, between jumping and falling out of trees, motorcycle wrecks, football, fighting, and general boyish activity I planted a bad seed. Arthritis became that excuse to misbehave. But that bad knee has also become my motivation. It did mess me up pretty bad a couple of years ago. I had been practicing Judo and Aikido at the time, but twisted it or hyper-extended it (I'm not sure what really happened) at work, and that put me on ice for about six months. I was still able to do limited slow Taiji work with a brace, but overall I had to take it easy. But I have insisted it would not stop me.

I have worked intentionally on leg strengthening exercises with the idea that as long as it's functional enough to support me through normal day-to-day activity, it should be able to support extra-normal (no-to-light impact) activity as well as long as I build the muscles around it accordingly. So in my individual training I have focused on squats, the Shaolin horse stance, the Warrior II pose, bicycle riding, and Zhan Zhuang Standing Pole. This has worked to a large degree. I had a setback about six months ago when I pulled a hamstring on the same leg. This has caused strain to be exerted on both the knee and hip joints in that leg as the hamstring itself heals. But overall my leg muscles on both legs are quite developed now, at least consistent with if not beyond the strength needed for normal Taji and Aikido training.

I feel as if I'm winning this battle, at least for now. I am able to do the low stances and moves in the Chen Taiji that I study, as well as the Suwari Waza in Aikikai Aikido. In fact, my Aikido Sensei insists this training will in itself work to heal my knee. I don't know. But I do know it helps in the long run as it works to strengthen the surrounding muscles in a unique way. I am still wearing a brace on that knee most of the time when I train. My hamstring still bothers me some, which aggravates the knee. And the old arthritis visits all my joints ever so often. But I am confident in one thing: I am much healthier, mind body and soul, practicing my arts than I would be without them. That much I know. Perhaps this pain is a blessing afterall.

Doing by Not Doing

I was preparing some documents last week at work and had a bit of martial insight. As this work was rather monotonous I allowed my mind to wander as I waded through it. In effect, it required a lot of typing of the same thing over and over on several documents. I am a fairly fast typist, but not the most error-free. Anyway, as I progressed I began to notice that my speed increased and my errors decreased. At least they did until I became conscious of it. Once I paid attention to what I was doing, started thinking about what I was doing rather than simply doing it, I began to make mistakes. This project was big enough that it took me a couple of hours to complete. So I couldn't resist the temptation for mental experimentation. I purposefully blurred my thoughts so that I proceeded mindlessly so to speak. As I did this my errors decreased again. I ended up working in a sort of auto-pilot mode. But as soon as I mentally noted this, or thought about it, I slipped back into mistakes.

I couldn't help but compare this to my martial arts training. As we train over time our bodies learn the moves and techniques to the point that we can complete them without thinking. In fact, once our bodies know, it becomes counter-productive to think too much. I am not however promoting day dreaming. That is even more counter-productive. The goal is to focus by being centered and being totally aware of our bodies. In the language of Tajiquan, we should transfer our consciousness from our mind or head to our dantien and then proceed utilizing the body's knowledge. This is another example how our martial training draws on mindfulness practice for guidance. The key to meditation is to focus on breathing or a mantra. As this proceeds our minds relax and drop all the external noise to focus on the present moment. This practice means one thing when our bodies are still. It means something else when they are moving and possibly engaging with another. This process leads to allowing the body to do what it knows without interference from monkey mind.

This is so much easier to say, or write about than it is to learn and practice. But on the other hand, nothing could be easier. It is just simply another facet of a complete training regime. Focusing on the mental aspect of training not only leads to better health, but better budo.

Our Martial Responsibilities

What are our responsibilities as martial artists? One never knows how he/she will react if actually attacked or accosted. In the classical martial arts so much of our training is toward skills not directly related to combat. There are combat systems that strip down the techniques to the essential necessary for fighting or self defense. But the classical systems are more rounded and aim for higher ends than just simply the ability to fight well. However, they are still martial arts and any self-described martial artist should feel comfortable with the prospect of defending him/herself. But, what then are our responsibilities to that end?

A well-executed Dim-Mak strike or a combat throw on a hard surface could very well end in serious damage or death to the attacker. Do we, as the potential defender, bear any responsibility for the safety and well-being of a person who is attacking us? I think the answer is, like most things in life, ambiguously yes and no. Please keep in mind that my answers are based on my own personal philosophy of life and morality; and that I think such philosophies and thoughts are by default subjective. So, this is just my perspective.

As an Aikidoist I believe in O-Sensei's ideal of caring for our attacker as a fellow human being, and therefore doing just enough to control the situation and try to avoid harming said attacker. But as someone who has experienced bullies, and sandlot fights and barroom brawls, I also believe that ideal has to be taken with a grain of salt. All life is sacred and should be protected. That does include the life of our attacker. But it also includes our own lives and the lives of our friends and loved ones. As martial artists we have responsibilities to protect our own lives, the lives of those close to us, and IF POSSIBLE the lives of those who attack us. But, in keeping with the tenets of Natural Law, once another person has taken aggressive action against us, they have compromised and jeopardized their own rights.

Training should, among other things, work to address how we handle attackers and how we respond under stress. Ideally we should know and automatically react with the correct response. I don't know if anyone really reaches this ideal state. But it is a part of what we should train for. The injunction to relax and control our responses is difficult, but crucial to being a well-rounded martial artist. I believe that if a person is truly aiming for this end, then he/she is justified in whatever reaction occurs if they are attacked. Again, Natural Law basically trumps here. If a person violates your space or your person, you have the right to react in whatever manner you find necessary at the time. For it will not have been you that transgressed, but the attacker. All you are doing is protecting your space and your person.

Download Free Yiquan Book

Xingyi Quan Wang Xiangzhai

Relax, Just Relax

I guess this is my greatest challenge: relaxing. I would have not thought that was the case, and often (far too often) I forget. But it is. Relaxing is at the absolute core of the arts I study. I imagine it is at the core of most martial arts, most meditative traditions, most sensible approaches to living. But it still seems to be a giant challenge. And I'm not really sure why. I think in part it is counter intuitive. When we are working on something that takes concentration, we put everything into it--maybe too much. Since I have been working on this and trying to be mindful I notice it happens more often on new techniques and applications, and/or if I am tired and not paying attention. When trying something new or difficult, I want it all to work out. So I try. When I try I often tense up, especially around the shoulders. I think more than anything it is bad habit, but deeply ingrained just the same.

Another challenge is trying to muscle my way through a technique instead of letting the technique itself do the work. That also happens subconsciously because that is how I have always done things. In fact I do understand the concept of structure and Aiki, blending with a partner's energy. But it is easier said than done, and I have to consciously make myself do it, which inevitably leads to muscling because I am doing the technique rather than working through a technique that is in itself doing it. I have been practicing Taiji long enough now that I can often catch myself as long as I am mindful and focused, and adjust without too much difficulty or without totally losing it all. With Aikido I'm just not there yet. And it often feels as if I will never be there. I am sure that is one of the reasons it takes so long to make rank.

I am working with the premise that practice eventually makes perfect, or at least works some of the kinks out. I believe I can make it work eventually, as long as I quit trying so hard. Now is that a Koan or what?

Shi Yan Lei's Dharma of Fighting

A recent article in Kung Fu Magazine on the Dharma of Fighting gets right to one of the main tenets of this blog: the use of various martial art practices as tools of mindfulness. In the article Shi Yan Lei explains how he found his Kung Fu practices as better tools for focusing than the meditation techniques commonly practiced in his Chan Monastery. To quote the Push Hands Master, Herman Kauz, "It's not about fighting." It's about self actualization through the practice of being in the moment. So often we forget how fast and fleeting a moment is, and how quickly it is replaced by yet another moment, and then another again... The mantras and breathing exercises of meditation disciplines are aimed at giving us a focus to keep monkey mind at bay. The forms, katas, and qigongs of the martial arts can serve the same purpose. The resulting mindfulness, combined with the release of endorphins and the freeing of Qi flow, results in definite steps towards transformation and personal growth. And like all things in life, these are but steps on an infinite pathway. This pathway takes us where we want to be, but at the same time there is no final destination. Striving is arriving.

Is it Autumn Already?

Here it is Sept 1 and the weather here in the North Carolina Piedmont is cool, approx. 59 Deg. F this morning. Mother Nature has a calendar. On one hand I hate to see the summer go. On the other, I welcome and enjoy the change of season, every change, every season. Why not? This is what we have. Better to love it and be present, than to decry it and be elsewhere in mind.

It was a good summer for Budo. The park wherein we practice morning Taiji reflects the changes. During the spring we did our "Tree Qigong", where we exchange energy with select trees. It was so successful we carried it on into the summer. We use it for our opening practice as a way to warm up, loosen up, and connect with the environment. Long about July, as I was standing under a Hickory practicing Zhan Zhuang, I heard a racket above. Mr. Squirrel was just above my head and not in the least impressed with me borrowing energy from his tree. And he was telling me about it. I have to say it interrupted my silence and brought out a laugh. I had to move on to another tree before I was accosted. A couple of weeks later and it was Mr. Squirrel and his Squirrely friends who were accosted, as a pair of hawks decided to use our section of the park as their hunting ground. They antagonized the squirrels for a half hour or so before moving on. I never did see them catch one, but they certainly tried. As much as I value the quiet and meditative park setting, I had to give in to distraction and view this show.

Several times over the summer we were forced to find another spot as our usual shelter was occupied by one or two homeless citizens as we arrived. No problem. We can easily move to another location, or practice in the grass. Nothing as serious as choosing a place to bed down for the night. One morning I found the picnic bench occupied by a small brown Praying Mantis. I arrived earlier than my partners so I sat on the bench and observed this Northern Kung Fu Master. He was in no mood for me. He arranged himself at a 45 degree angle, showed me his fists and silently waited for me to make the next move. I kept my patience and my peace. After the others arrived I stood up and we began our transition into the Chen Hunyaun 45 movement form. The wise old teacher was not impressed. I looked back over to the bench to see he was long gone, off to more exciting adventures I'm sure.

Things have been equally interesting for my nighttime Aikido classes. We lost our space at the YWCA, which turned out to be a blessing. We now share a full and regular dojo space with another Aikido school. We have a much larger space, permanent mats, changing rooms, and weapons. What we don't have there is an air conditioner. I think that is a good thing, much to the chagrin of my fellow students. It makes the workout that much more challenging and healthful. However, our first day on the mat in the new dojo I pulled a hamstring. Sensei was demonstrating Yokomenuchi Shihonage with me as Uke. As I went into a forward roll upon being thrown my foot caught in his hakama and my body went one way while my leg stayed put. It has been problematic all summer. It is getting better, slowly.

I have taken advantage of the slow economy and practiced martial arts as absolutely much as possible. On average I have made at least 3, sometimes 4 Taiji classes a week, and 2, sometimes 3 Aikido classes. Additionally I have worked fairly hard on conditioning and riding the bicycle. I believe I am in much better shape now than I was at the beginning of summer, and I hope my Budo has improved accordingly. I now look forward to Fall and whatever may be ahead.